What I Learned from Playing Devil's Advocate

"You've had how many years to join the winning side?  You know this isn't about who's right or wrong, it's about who comes out on top.  Look at Him.  Not the God you thought He is... Pity, really.  That it's too late."

Brianne's sorrowful eyes are not in character as Gabriel, and I see in her a desperate desire to rush down and save Jesus from His captors.  The scene ends and I give her a hug.  And as I walk away, I'm frightened once again by how evil I can become.

The hatred in my eyes echoes a mild reverberation in my heart.  The condescending smirk and chuckle feel familiar.  Why is this so easy?

Because you're not all mine, I hear somewhere close.

I stand here, a blur in a universal battle, seeing evil reflected in my eyes.  And I see it in my heart.  The lust and hate, lies and free I so quickly point out in God's children is quite comfortable in my own soul.

And once again I hear Him ask, Who do you want to serve?

Shaking, broken, I seek a quiet place.  There I kneel, literally at the foot of the cross, weeping.  Weeping.  Because once again I see that what I am did that to Him.

I see him bruised and bleeding at my feet, suffering with every blow from my profane mouth, and know that I should be the one at His feet, begging for mercy.  But He lifts me up and tells me that I can be His.  His forever, unreserved, unashamed.

This is what I learned from taunting my only hope of life:  there is a life for you at the foot of the cross.